COMPLEXITY NO 19 ” RELATIONSHIPS”

To relate…once is a event

But Relationship is a …process

When you relate with people, you intermingle with them. 

You ,may relate with few on a temporary/ permanent basis.

To understand this I have put them up in a Tabular form:

To explain it further:

You may not like your Mamaji / tayaji-

You may not like your bro in law;

But u will still have to relate with them,  bear up with them ; tolerate their  their  idiosyncrasies.

Lets see this table I have made:

Scene -A

Can I explain a little bit more—-!!!

Scene -B

   When a man and a woman from two diverse / dissimilar backgrounds come together by the union of marriage—it is the onset of a new family.

MAN+ WOMAN=MARRIAGE=Formation of a  new family

Scene-C

Another criteria: Discord amongst members of—

Lets now see what happens in such cases…..

Some more fall outs of a divorced couple:

Impact on the quarrelling couple:

As a couple the individuals may have their own levels of anxiety and own individualistic causes that may seem most important to them alone.

Impact on the MAN:

While the husband may have his own axe to grind, may not like to tolerate a nagging or too pushy a wife, may be upset that she is too demanding on his personal time or too extravagant in spending his hard earned mone. (The reasons may be minor/ major). She may have bruised his alter EGO too much to his liking!!!

Impact on Woman:

Lets take an extreme situation:

She may be physically tortured/ mentally abused, not getting power/ respect or care . She may be constantly used/ abused. She may have been hurt beyond measure.

In addition- What if the lady is uneducated, Ignorant, and or illiterate, she may not have a job, nor any savings; She may have been illtreated by the in-law.

 When this kind of HELL prevails upon her repeatedly.Her threshold to tolerate having stretched too far>>>> She may want to end the relationship.

Many a times, she may not get support from her own family. She may encounter opposition from parents / especially brothers for obvious reasons ( additional burden fallen upon their shoulders-since she returns home)

>>> Imagine the mental wreck she would have become.

  What would be the impact on kids?

The physical separation of parents from each other , would separate the child/ children from one of their parent. >>> Imagine- the psychological trauma that the kids may have to face. The children may grow up disturbed, unable to face the world .

Not getting / having both parents under the same roof, they may get psychologically disturbed.  

They may get into undesirable adolescent escapades if not nurtured carefully n gingerly, >> some  may become  split personalities.

In many a case, the education of the kids may also suffer.

If there is good amount of money, mutually separated couples may send their children to a hostel. But this is a minority group.

Can u imagine the picture of GLOOM & DESPAIR ALL AROUND!!!!!

Having compared the two sides do u realise how different are the break ups, how simple and easy is the reconciliation on the left side.

Is it ever going to be the same on the right side as well?????

The right side scenario:::::

Say they meet after 7-10 years, they both have had their  share of  areas of grief through which they have gone though.

The separation happened 10 years ago.

The divorce came through 5 years ago.

Children were packed off to a hostel.

They went through their own understanding in this new life.

The mother went back home—started to pick up threads and learning to equip herself to earn a living.

Can  this estranged couple ever meet across a break fast table, share a sumptuous meal with same level of coolness  they ever say….hey Hoaaa.

Lets patch up and become a family again —Is this possible so easily??/.

 And can just a brisk handshake do it all???

Yes , may be a miniscule may choose to re unite.

BUT will this ever bring back the happiness???

 Will it bring back the carefree youth  of the children???

 Will it ever be able to bring back the free and candid smile, and laughter in  their eyes????

SO

Once we understand that the most imp relationship, also the most fragile relationship is that of the RELATIONSHIP OF MAN & HIS WIFE…

Once we know that- if a marriage breaks up- DELIMMA/DIFFICULTIES GALORE/DISTRAUGHT/ DEJECTION/ DEPRESSION/ AND DESPAIR ARE ANY & MAY AN OUTCOME!!!

SHOULD WE THEN NOT TRY TO:

Avert the break up of marriage?>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Overcome the hurdles between a man and his wife

Should we not try to make them relate to one another ; Should we not try to equate them with each other ,to try and reach out to the root cause of their problem????

YES OFCOURSE>>>>

Do we not owe it to the wee little children. Do we not owe it to the disturbed psyche of the children/do we not owe it to the pillars of tomorrow??

Do we not owe it to YOU /ME/ ONE ANOTHER / EACH OTHER???

Look into your own families.

 In every family –these days such cases of MARITAL DISCORD are  mushroomimg ( Infact the speed of this is gaining momentum!!).

It’s a very poignant issue these days>>>>

This will need more introspection. Please do your home work, and share your view points on this growing malaise>>>>

Yes this is also becoming a prolomged case of MORBIDITY>>…

Friends I leave u with this thought…

Lets then discuss this further in another 2/3 days time……

Cheerio till then……