Complexity  No:10-  BEHAVIOUR

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT & PERSONAL GROWTH PERSONALITY DETERMINES YOUR BEHAVIOUR

Dear friends,

I have been talking of Relationships, Families, ( Joint/ Nuclear family), The Advantages of a Joint family over a nuclear family;  and Why Nuclear families have sprung up? Why people today -opt for small nuclear families?  Knowing full well that the family in general , actually , is at a massive disadvantage,  yet the nuclear families are proliferating!!

Behaviour depends upon many factors, broadly classified as INTERNAL/EXTERNAL.  Analysing these interwoven factors provides a comprehensive understanding of why people and groups act in specific ways,

How we behave, how we act, how we conduct ourselves with others:

 Be it your immediate Family, your Parents, your Siblings/   Niblings   / or Piblings …at home.

Your colleagues,   your   friends , your seniors , or your juniors at work.

Be it  your partners and /or opponents in / on the sports ground;

Be it your companions , your room partners, your  juniors /  seniors in your school/ college/ and or  hostel.

Be it the class 4/3/2  or even Class 1 employees at your work/ home front;

Be it the contacts / facilitators at the shopping arcade, the bus/ train companions;   officials at the  Post office/ Your bank;

Be it the Kids/ the Adolescents/  or the elderly.

Be it just any one/ every one, 

Your personality will modulate/ govern/ n conduct  you  -how to act in front of others.  How you conduct yourself  will speak of how your  Behaviour is.

In fact your BEHAVIOUR, depends upon a lot of factors:  –Your Personality is one of the most important ones

Today I have decided to focus on Personality.

 What is actual meaning of Personality?

What are the factors that govern/   influence   your Personality?

 Why does the personality of a person change under some pressing circumstances? 

What  is Personality Cult?

What are the ULTIMATE IMPORTANT POINTS THAT SHOULD BE THERE IN A MAN OF STERLING PERSONALITY?

What is SELF DEVELOPMENT & WHAT IS  SWOT  ANALYSIS ?

WHY is it important to understand  SWOT in the case of a Person’s Personality!!

How the behaviour will be affected with the change in one’s personality, and how do you think it will affect his relationship with the people in his contact?

Therefore I’m going to focus   today on a very imp issue:

YOUR PERSONALITY WILL DETERMINE HOW YOU BEHAVE IN SOCIETY.

The word “Personality” per say…is a Noun

Some say…..Personality is a combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual’s distinctive characters. Others say.. Personality also means. .Qualities inherent/ peculiar/ typical to   someone.

Personality psychology looks at the thought, feeling and behaviour, all   in   all,   those  factors that make a person unique.

So –What actually is Personality?

Personality actually encompasses a no. of characteristics that arise within an individual. Personality is the totality of  a  person’s  quality  , both desirable and undesirable, as elicited by him/ her in response to various situations.

Your personality is the total impact that you make/   leave  on  other  people’s  psyche.

You may leave any one of the below mentioned impressions:

What a smart lady!! She is a class by herself.

What a combination of beauty & Brains.

Or

What a knowledgeable lady!!

How elegantly she conducts herself! She really knows how   to adjust in different situations…So on and so forth…..

Or, for that matter: Her beauty and brains just did not match her dialogue delivery/   Or, her personality/body language was very weak until she started to speak. Her dialogue delivery, her pronunciation, her subject matter.. were   just too awesome!!!

Let’s go   some  more further:

Personality is determined by many factors:

1. Level of one’s intelligence.
2. One’s physical limitations.
3. Extent of one’s education.
4. Heredity.
5. Environmental factors in which one is brought up.
6. Level of one’s anxiety.

Thus we can probably say that Personality is an overall   improvement in all spheres of an individual’s life, be it with friends/ while in office/or at home/ or for that matter in any extrinsic environment.

Personality Cult:

Personality development is the development of a personality cult, so as to create a strong positive impression about oneself on to a target group or make it so strong, repeatedly that it becomes   an ingrained habit (   your second nature) which then gets embedded into your body/ mind n psyche..

You start to breathe / live that personality   it self.!!

Ten important points for an Ultimate personality:

Character:

Appearance	Intrinsic character
Smartness	Economic independence
Intelligence	High integrity
Knowledge	Responsible
Efficiency	Morality

Basic Personality :  Jo hoti hai- who  toh hoti  hee hai!!!

IS WHAT YOU ACTUALLY ARE!!

But if u sit to evaluate yourself, evaluate your plus+++’s and your minus—‘s,   be open to listening;

Learn   to take criticism in  a  healthy manner; You can , over a period of time, actually start  to understand – you- yourself- well enough to modulate yourself towards more proficiency…

Once you know what sort of a person u are, what all are your negatives, you then,   probably start to negate your own weak points and try to turn / modulate them into a positive mode.

If you make a decision to improve yourself, you definitely will.

Four aspects that influence personality:

1. PHSYICAL:  Depends upon   how pleasing   a personality you have?

This is indirectly supported by health,   and /or strength with an understanding capacity.

If physically you are weak—-You are Unwell (  suffering  from some illness) -In this condition – Will you say –that you have a Positive personality?

 In fact    even  if  you  have a  positive personality , a prolonged illness will definitely leave u in a negative mood , and you may  thus begin to harbour  a negative personality , therefore unable to do the effective deliverables!!!

•  SOCIAL:   Main factors are social values, communication skills, attitude and economic independence   ( especially  in relation to wealth). And the values you have grown up with, the environment you have lived in…

To quote an instance: Be it a member in your  family ,or  a Teacher/ Guide at school,   You find yourself attracted to-you are carried away either by his extremely positive personality, inadvertently-  you  subconsciously start to emulate him. You will, over a period of time start to do those acts/ or modalities like him, and soon you will start doing them so frequently that they become your second nature as well.

Yet again, let me share that it is much easier to pick up social nuances, that may appear fun , and frolic- exhilaration to begin with, like trying to smoke on the sly- !!!

             But is it going to be a habit that could  call  positive. ?

• PSYCHOLOGICAL:  This relates to personal values, approach,   mental  and  thinking  pattern,  moral values and emotional management…..all of them being influenced by knowledge and level of smartness. Your attitude, your psyche,   your approach are all going to be determined by them.

4.PHILOSOPHICAL:

The mind, the body, the ego, the bioenergy and the emotions- All offer a holistic   Multi-dimensional view which is directly/ indirectly linked to spiritual and ethical harmony that is so intrinsic to a particular family.

How your personality relates to knowledge, consciousness and ethical conduct ;  will depend    on  maturity of values. How well you handle situations, happenings, events as they occur in your life -, How our thoughts, feelings and consciousness (   the mind) relate to our physical bodies, How does  this relationship impact our  personality?

SELF DEVELOPMENT:

This is an approach that emphasizes the importance of lifelong   learning. It recognises that we all have a great potential for learning and we do   -carry the ability for changing things and situations if we make up our mind to do it.

Learning Cycle encompasses –

(a) Doing something…….by rote / habit,

(b) Making a sense of it….do it differently.

 This cycle helps us to take responsibility, to be proactive, to  influence  yourself to take risk & /or teach us to do things   differently.

SWOT/ SWOT-ANALYSIS:

I’m sure we would have heard these terms.

( Strengths/ Weaknesses/ Opportunities/and Threat analysis)

So-SWOT- is a tool, a planning tool, used to assess and understand our inner strengths, our existing weaknesses, plausible opportunities and some underlying threats.

It involves the specifying of the objective of the individual/ or   how he feels -he has to run his life so as to make a success of himself and achieve some position of high standard in the community he belongs to.

 Have u ever thought how we should run our life?

 Do   we give some thought to it, or just drift along as the wind blows??

How do we run it?

Do  we  run  it  just like other  family  members are doing it?  Are we trying to kind of copy others whom we   also emulate?  Or   do we do things differently?  Have we ever thought that our acts/ deeds – how we perform—do they provide maximum   peace and tranquillity to the people whom we are associated   with.

Have we ever thought- What is required to be done?

Run   Life as a project, just like we run other projects at work?

Let’s take an example:

I’m  making a statement I believe in:

LIFE IS A PROJECT:

A project of the Individual/ For   the Individual/ By the Individual.

A project of the Individual / for the People of his family and or Organisation.

While we are into this frame of mind we need to understand that there are some internal and external factors that play a vital role in making us do what we do and why?

INTERNAL/ EXTERNAL FACTORS:

So,   What  do  the internal/ external factors  really mean?

 Let’s   look within, let’s also look at the behavioural patterns of the folks around us:

At times the External as well as Internal factors can / may   work in unison and collaborate with one another, yet again there may be many an instance when it may not be so.

INTERNAL FACTORS (Inherent to an Individual)	EXTERNAL FACTORS (Imbibed from outside)
Genetics	Family Culture
Temprament	Social environment
Self Reflection	Life’s experiences.
Beliefs  & values	Physical health & Diet

Both External + Internal —- additive actions should ensue in unison, but if it is contrary to that, you can well imagine what will be the outcome.

So,   now you  can  well  understand  that if the  Internal & External factors  do not work in tandem(  do not work alongside each other) — things/ results will be quite contrary to expectations..

A step further into this:  Internal/ External factors both have Plus   &    Minus   points.

Both have Advantages/ Disadvantages.

Both may be Supportive and/ or Unfavourable.

We need to slowly and softly sieve out the Probable from the   Improbable   (possible   hurdles).

Having listed the    improbable /hurdles,    We should then attempt to take necessary steps to remove them so as to make it a smooth and effective functioning.

The have’s from the have not’s, the can do it from the cannot do it criteria– proper sieving   is   definitely required, for optimisation of  results .

Both these sets  of  factors  interact , ie: The mental temperament, the beliefs  and values, the genetics or the   self  reflection  ( one or all of the internal elements) when synergy happens with the external factors ie: The physical health/ diet, the social environ they live in,  coupled with family culture that is so embedded in their family and or experience   gained from life. Then  working in tandem against a new and novel eventuality that he/ she is suddenly thrown into, how he/ she will React/ or Respond will be the cumulative result of how he/ she is able to strike a balance  between the Internal + external factors as well as what he/ she is exposed to. How well he was mentally prepared for the eventuality? Did he find it pleasurable/ Did he find the sudden thrust enforced ?

Did he find it welcome or unwelcome an incident/ act?

 Let me explain with a simple example:

A young college girl, who was a meritorious student, who always stood first in class, was forced upon by her parents to appear for medical entrance tests)  She failed miserably. The same ensued next year as well. How do you think she would have behaved those days?

 Both parents were/ are doctors. I was asked to interview her and counsel her.

My observation:

Though a topper of her school, she had failed her entrance exams miserably; She  wanted  to join her best friend in a college where her heart was. A commerce college.  On much cajoling and coaxing I won the battle , She was put into this arts college much to the dejection of her parents. But Lo & behold, She did a HAT TRICK–

She maxed all papers, all three years. She stood first  each year and got a GOLD MEDAL. She finally went on to National school of Economics, PHD at JNU and now today is one of the leading ECONOMISTS  working at  LONDON!!!

Almost all factors- be it Internal/ External would have come into force. When there was no mingling of all factors , no alignment of thoughts between parents/ child—What would have been the scenario at home.

Plight, Gloom, despair, anger, frustration, sadness . Less  said the better.

How was her behaviour then? How is her behaviour  NOW?

I will leave the rest for you to surmise.

Coming back again to SWOT:

AIM OF SWOT:

To gain information  that  is  helpful  in  matching  the achievable goals of an individual to the benefit of self and his family/ organisation he works for.

Affording maximum satisfaction by satisfactorily enhancing   one’s   capacity to adjust in the social environment in which he/ she operates.

Strengths	Weaknesses	Oppurtunities	Threats
Positive tangibles	Some drawbacks – may be in mind/ thought process	External attractive   factors .	External factors
Within the control of the individual. Desired results within reach.	Within the control, yet desirable results are not within reach	They excite the person to move forward. Need sitting and reflecting on them, and formulating plan –how to move forward.	Beyond the control of the individual
	Areas that need being worked upon ( mind /Psyche)	If well planned  can/ should get desired result.	Could put the mission at risk.
Eg: Attractive  physique Good command over language, pleasing expressions.	Eg: Not dressed well, personal hygiene disarray, grumpy expression.	Eg: Big loan sanctioned, a good and ready mentor available All you need is willing ness from within.	Eg: Antagonism, jealousy from Sibling who does not let you move forward.
	. Fall prey to temptation (illegal gratification).	Many more examples can be quoted.	Classify them by their seriousness and problems.

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We can quote some more,  day to day examples:

Positive Personality-Great ability of Network will always  be  a  plus point. Since you come in contact with so many people from different walks of life.

You have the ability to fully investigate a person till the logical deduction of the diagnosis without fear of incurring any expenditure by any one.

Negative personality- If we are an extrovert, we may go looking for contacts/ more friends to cohabit and interact with. But if we are an introvert, we will go  no where.  May keep weighing the pros and cons, and in a confusion may  get into a shell.

Complacency/ lethargy/ disinclination/ demotivation. In such a case- Negativity flows!!

Opportunities:

These come and go,    We  need to be vigilant and observant, we need to be conscious that lady luck and opportunities do come around. We need to harbour an open mind and be quick to see and grab the passing opportunity.

Threats:

External factors that if, walked through without properly weighing the pros/ cons, without evaluating the plusses and minuses, just plunged into without consulting mentors and learned people of that speciality, can land you into a dilemma, a  situation, you may regret for a long time.

Yes, threats if evaluated properly with proper  advise ,  and adequately considered; then worked upon with an alternative  contingency plan  in mind, ( should things happen contrary to expectations),  can -with proper deliberations be converted into opportunities,  which when handled properly will   help you move in a reverse gear….

Threats>>> Opportunities>>> Weaknesses>> Positives

Turned POSITIVE DESPITE ALL ODDS

So Completely improbable>> Opportunities>> Weakness>> Positives

Can also happen!!!

Let  us  take an  Eg:

Positive Personality	Hardworking person, may not be intelligent
Negative Personality	Eats & Sleeps a lot
Opportunities	Good guide+ 50% concession to a coaching syllabus
Threats/ Highly Improbable	Wants to attempt IAS

This guy may not be very intelligent, but he is very hardworking. He will be labelled as a Positive personality.

If he is fat & obese, if he is always overeating  >>>he will be lethargic and sleeps a lot, so cannot stay up to study long hour this that studies demand.  These make him a Negative personality.

If this guy gets a 50% scholarship to a prestigious coaching centre as well as mentorship from his guide, and he grabs this opportunity- he is an Opportunist .He should make all endeavour   to change himself.

With all the negative draw backs he still wants to crack the IAS exam- This is a threat!!!

But if, with  a  Strong Family support-

Mother gave him good High protein diet,   takes utmost care  and  looks after his personal needs,   Father and full family gave good mental / emotional support.

He was lucky his guide got him a good discount at a reputed coaching centre, and also agreed to guide him personally.

 With due dedication/ deliberation/ determination/   he cracked the IAS

Isn’t it therefore all in the mind!!!

Isn’t it a simple and pure case of reversible of SWOT

Should we not therefore try and improve our selves/ our thoughts.

You would be a wondering why I have gone into detailing about SWOT and added some examples?

Its because, at the beginning of this episode on personality, my aim was and still is to explain that OUR BEHAVIOUR IS GOVERNED BY OUR PERSONALITY

That is what is sadly lacking here—-One cannot change ones looks— one is born with them. But we can definitely improve upon them. Can we not improve our turn out?

What  I’m trying to say that we all have  two  types of personality:

An internal / and an external personality.

Internal is governed by our thought processes. Incidents of our past   (including childhood/ adolescence/and adulthood). The environment that we lived in, the life that we have lead so far………All have played a pivotal role in What / How we have shaped out today as.

Some of us are optimistic, but most of us   have   been weathered down by the vagaries of life and scathe  / scars  easily shows on our personality…… there by our dress/ our turn out/ our body language/ our  overall personality/ perspective have all gone for a six!!!

So should we now not try  to  improve , not only the external , so also our internal personality.

Everyone would benefit by this.

So how do we start?

This holds good for One and  All., Both Big and small, for any one and every one.

No profession really matters,   It’s   for the Gen public

1. Listen to all.
2. Give a patient hearing.
3. Select and siphon out all positive information that you think would be good for you.
4. Discard all negative thoughts/actions.
5. Make a decision on what I really want to do. What’s good for me/ my family/   my  organisation.
6. Having made the decision you want to tread on.
7. Take small steps, make achievable targets.
8. Move in the positive direction.
9. Keep your goal in mind, set a time frame.
10. Take consultation from peers, when in doubt.
11. Fear not the unknown.
12. Have faith in yourself, press on regardless.
13. You are bound to achieve success.
14. Eg: Changing the external personality is   more easier, than changing the internal one.
15. Both definitely go hand in hand, but are also intractably interwoven with each other.
16. Let’s take the example of a lady wearing a smart dress.
17. You may like to compliment the wearer/ you may be ironical about her dress/ you may pass a sarcastic comment/ or you may admire the outfit, and appreciate the wearer inwardly;  but may not want to share it with the wearer or with others.
18. All this is because you are probably a confused personality/ wrought with complexes, and or not confident to accept  that someone can really look smart, either because the dress is smart or that the person is smart and makes the ordinary dress look good.
19. What I’m actually trying to say that   it is all in your very own mind.
20. You have to overcome all the pent up emotions. You have to learn to appreciate something if it is really nice. You have to accept that there are all sorts of people in this world and you yourself are but one of them!!!

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We move about the day to day activities of our life, right from when we were a kid >>>As we move on in life , from stage to stage, grow from being a kid>> Adolescent>> adult>> mature fortyish>> Grow gradually senile till age finally catches up and makes us go back to behaving  like a kid again.

 Do u realise- we have been exposed to various facets of life. We have been exposed to the good—the bad- the ugly!!!

We have met people from all walks of life.

Our family, our extended family, our friends , our neighbours, the whole world at large—be it the world that we are in contact with, or the outer environmental world that is speedily drifting past.

All have left their indelible impression on us.

When we succumb to negatives, when we climb up the ladder of opportunities,  or  when we face some threats—

We are always learning!!!

How we behave –all depends upon our personality_ Our  Plus and the Minus Points, the Good / Bad influence that we pick up from all walks of life.

All play a pivotal role on how we  conduct  our self.

The aim of writing about Behaviour and Personality is that our bad behaviour can MAR our personality, while our GOOD behaviour will definitely uplift it.

So we all need to sit and analyse our own mind, our own thoughts and actions, of how we conduct ourselves, how much we are in control of our own emotions, what kind of thoughts we can control and or modulate, so that our immediate  family, our extended family both inside our own family/ social circle or even beyond the realms of our own cohesiveness –The so called OUTER WORLD—What impression we, our personality , our own behaviour leaves on others—Will table us as a GOOD? BAD? OR UGLY PERSON.

Do people want to seek you out- because of your behaviour/ or shun you.

Only you have to decide!!!

Next I will write on Success and failure – How they affect our behaviour

So do look out for the next one……