Complexity No-11

  SUCCESS AND FALIURE BOTH, CAN ALSO DETERMINE OUR BEHAVIOUR

=Success Vs Failure & ……

SUCCESS AND FAILURE BOTH CAN IMPACT OUR BEHAVIOUR  !!!

Personality can also change as per your SUCCESS/ FAILURE

They too determine how we behave???

It’s time now,  therefore to discuss how success and failure can affect our behaviour towards others.

What Success can do- to you, your  mind, your psyche.   Lets  also discuss what Failure can do to you and your personality?  Will these two factors affect our innate behaviour?

Success Vs Failure

Success   increases motivation and confidence, but may also lead to arrogance if not managed properly, while failure builds resilience and teaches valuable lessons, fostering a growth mind set. A fixated mind set -can make failure feeling devastating   leading to decreased  motivation   and  self   doubt,

Therefore-

People’s behaviour changes in response to success and failure based on their mind set.

How success affects behaviour?

1. Increased confidence and motivation. Success provides a  positive  feed  back and boosts confidence and motivates the individual to  set higher goals and pursue newer challenges.

       2.Potential  Arrogance: While success should breed confidence, it can    also lead to arrogance if not tempered with humility.

        3. Your Body language in relation to success:

  Success can be measured by your dress, how you are attired?

  Are you decently dressed with average  clothes but smartly turned out.

  Are you smartly dressed  with  an expensive outfit?

  Are you garish and loud in your turn out and only showing out your wealth? How   you conduct yourself,      how you Stand/ Talk/ Walk?

         4. You can be successful yet  a humble/ humane/ approachable person.

5. Or you can let the success go to your head—make you a hot   tempered, haughty/ proud man, who is just not approachable.

6. Success can make you  a  proud , very confident, affable, character, who starts to think no end of himself.

You can let the money numbers hit your head, and make you a nasty speaking individual.

You can be successful   in materialistic acquisitions and standard ratings, but you may  have  become  a hard, and harsh, totally unapproachable, haughty and proud individual..

People who approached you with  love  and  comfort, now think twice before they think of approaching you. You have become a totally changed personality.

       Similarly- HOW failure affects behaviour?

Contrary to Success- lets now see what FAILURE can do to a person:

Failure is the opposite of Success. When repeated attempts to succeed, do not get the desired result, when you just get too bogged down by the adversities of life, when too much is  really too  too  much and you keep hitting the rock bottom again ,and again, you start to get disillusioned, start doubting your own  self  worth,  start losing confidence. The performance level you used to reach easily, now becomes hard to attain.  All this will definitely take a toll on the psyche—the mood , the morale, the hopes all crashed—negativism may be a natural sequel, and there can be gloom in the mind of the affected.  This all   can trigger negative emotions  such as sadness,  disappointment and   disillusionment.

The psyche of the family,   also takes a toll. They can be also instrumental in

enhancing the gloom if they too start criticising and being sarcastic towards him.

His behaviour will naturally change. He may start to react/ retract/ revolt. Revulsion,( disgust/ loathing of self) can be seen in some.

        How do you think the personality will remain?

Will it remain as positive as it was earlier? Will it wane?

Will it all not get him down to the depths  of despair?

Lessons we can learn from failure……

Failure should not define you. It can actually help shape you.  Learning from failure requires courage. Failure paves the way to success. Trying again and again takes strength. Fear will hinder your growth. Actually failure indirectly really can help u;

Our brain creates new pathways—helping us avoid the same mistakes in the future, we can learn to be more resilient and eventually find success.

So should we now try to understand that YES- We can try and use some mantras to succeed and try and modulate our personality_-

TOOLS /MANTRAS OF SUCCESS:

“ Success  is to be measured not so much by the position one has reached in life, as by the obstacles which one has learned to overcome while trying to succeed”.

If we can some how try to master a few of the SEVEN MANTRAS: Communication skills, Influencing and  managing skills, problem solving alternatives, develop the art of trying to attend all meetings, be they on the home front/ or at office/ or other group sessions , Im sure things will start to improve.

Try to attend all meetings at place of work/play.

If you attend such group meetings, you get to understand a lot of things from others, as also get to know which way  psyche of the group is swaying.  This way you can be a part of  effective problem solving strategies, and then you will also be a part  of the core  group.   You  will  then  become the backbone of any team , and then this  attendance at nearly all important gatherings / meetings will definitely lead you to success., coz when you attend all events, you understand psyche of others and then if you are open minded, you will modulate your own mind accordingly and take measured steps to achieve your own goals profitably.

And yes we also need to understand that we need to inculcate the habit of creative thinking, and equip ourselves with some social skills.

Last but not the least the ART of Managing Money & Number games :  If in spite of possessing all the above mentioned skills, you still fail to achieve success, it may be because you are poor in the NUMBER GAME. You must have facts n figures/ stats and accounts all in proper places. You must be shrewd in money matters

Eg:

You can be efficient, polite, humble, courteous, interactive, affable and honest—

Yet, not good in the NUMBER GAME at all,

Or—

You may be good at your numbers but—arrogant, haughty, discourteous, proud, dominating or intimidating—–You are still going to be unpopular!!!!

To be able to get things done in the right perspective, with the desired results and continuous success, you have to change both intrinsically as well as extrinsically.

So:  Can you now understand that – Success  and failure  both leave an undeniable impact on the psyche of an individual.

He can either be robust, and approach others with pride and haughtiness, , make himself unapproachable ( even to his once upon best friends),  – create a big divide between himself and others around, and thus turn a loner in the long run, or  at times repeated failures can get him down to the dumps; he may get into a  caseated and hard shell, not ready to seek help / or advice, turn negative and get into a deep depression, or he may start reacting/ revolting ; Get aggressive and loud mouthed, create ugly scenes and behave in a toxic manner.

What ever it be, :  Too much of sudden Success, or too many negatives added on, can  completely change ones personality. I leave this thought with you to see, and fathom how he would behave with others in his environment.!!

C

                                                                   EGO

Jealousy? / Haughtiness……. Anger / Hatred 

Do they all not stem from the basic —EGO

Just like Personality and Success Vs Failure -can cause a  change their outlook in LIFE , as also cause a shift in their behavioural pattern, let me tell you that we need to consider some more associated -strong yet sterling pointers that also can cause us to behave differently:

What about  Jealousy / Hatred / Haughtiness /Anger / and EGO!!!  Why does one get angry very often?

Why always in a comparison mode with your Siblings/ Piblings / or Niblings?

Why sudden hatred for your parents?

Why distancing from your own blood- your kids!!

Examples  are  a plenty. It is the stark reality. Almost each and every family will have a secret to share- should they want to divulge it!!

Families are breaking up.

There is tension- tension over big and small things. When we played as kids, we hugged each other tight as we slept, cried on one another’s shoulder’s,

 Now  ,Why are we like this today? A few well observed classical cases that come to the fore front are:

Success of one sibling in comparison to the other,

Not being able to score good marks – a constant embarrassment!!

Not getting respect from juniors.

Not getting balanced love and affection from parents.

Your kids not doing as good as kids of your siblings.

Financial in adequacies among   Niblings / Piblings.

Property issues.

Greed to accquire more and  more  materialistic things: Cars/ Property/ cash etc  and that too , many a time -unreasonably.

I have penned quite a few. I’m sure you too will add  your  views  in the comment columns for me to learn from.

From my mind I feel EGO is the basic cause of all trouble!!!  Ego has and always will be the main reason for the down fall of human beings. The only thing that we can do is to try and control our own respective egos and not let them rule our heads.

I’m here not going to delve into What is EGO? ID?  Or  SUPER EGO.  But that individuals in many a case get into conflicting situations   harbouring with ANXIETY/ SELF DOUBT/ AND INSECURITY.

EGO significantly affects  your  Behaviour.  EGO takes on the mantle and your personality gets ego personified and influences your decisions and actions. While a healthy ego can foster   self    esteem  and helps you to make right choices, the   unhealthy Ego can lead to negative behaviour like criticising others, being rigid or manipulative and can  create a wall between yourself and others.

 Difficulty in accepting criticism, lead to feeling of superiority, jealousy, a distorted sense of reality can lead to damaged relationships

Uncontrolled EGO can   foster   self  centeredness , become an impediment to personal growth, unrealistic expectations ultimately hindering  happiness n progress.

EGO IS a potential instigator of anger and aggression.

TOO strong ego>>>> makes you very rigid and  unyielding . Too much ego does not let you accept others as they are. You get so clouded by your  own EGO ;  the curtain of egoism that you have cultivated around yourself, become sso impregnable  that you refuse to see the right things as they are.

Ego therefore is equally  important  in affecting one’s behaviour towards family, friends, relatives and others around. At time when the bridge- the divide is with family, he will get into tantrums with them, but be a perfect gentle man with others. Others will not accept that you find the individual contrary to his image, because he only exhibits his wrath  / anger / frustration on those who have either instigated him, or his greed makes him do all that.

ALL IN ALL: The cardinal fact is that EGO needs to be toned down. Some  one needs to help him out, and put some sense into the aggrieved.

Ego reducing tactics:

Practice gratitude

Embrace mistakes as learning opportunities cultivate empathy by considering others view points.

You can practice mindfulness, Seek feed back, &  Learn from mentors.

A lot can be said on this topic itself, but suffice to say:

WHO WILL BELL THE CAT??