Complexity No- 9th

 Who are Niblings/ Piblings?

Dear all,

My last episode was  on siblings.

Now who are Niblings?

“ Niblings” is a gender- neutral term for the children of ones siblings, (essentially replacing the terms-Nieces and nephews.)

Niblings is a word that dates back to 70 years ago where as Piblings is a newer one and seems to be less than 20 years ago.

For eg:

Sushant and Varun are kids of my elder sibling Anoop.  We usually call them my nephews, but the new terminology is that they are my Niblings.

siblings/niblings/piblings all in one photo

Niblings also refer to nieces/ nephews without specifying their gender.

Another Eg: My husband has three sisters , each has one son and one daughter. So collectively from his three sisters he has 6 Niblings, his brother has one daughter. So he has a sum total of 7 Niblings.

PIBLINGS:

This is a gender neutral term for the sibling of one’s parent. Essentially this is a word blend between parent and  sibling- the term for aunt/ uncle now being replaced by Piblings.

Again to explain from our own immediate family.

siblings with their Pibling (mami ji )

My husband has three sisters and one brother. So he has a sum total of 4 siblings.

And for that matter, the 4 siblings of my  husband will be labelled as Piblings for my kids. It’s a little confusing -I do agree, but, that’s how these terms stand today.

Instead of saying that my kids have 3 Bhuas, and one Chacha, they can also now say that they have 4 Piblings.

You would want to wonder, why I have chosen to bring this issue up about Siblings/ Niblings/ and Piblings.

Friends, if you recall, in days gone by, there used to be a prevalence of Joint family system, where all Piblings/ Siblings / Niblings…all cousins and their families all lived harmoniously together.

All this is a thing of the remote past.

I will not want to get into the semantics of this all, but would like to just focus on the fact that when there is discord in the families, when there is estrangement between Siblings, the families all go through a time of distress n duress.

Some times the adult Siblings are in total disharmony, having fought over property/ or inheritance issues, the  Siblings of the warring and quarrelling older Siblings have to bear the brunt.

They may at  times have to stop talking with their cousins/ or situations demand that they distance them selves from each other.

It can be a harrowing time for the children since they are emotionally interdependent over each other. Similarly if the Niblings are fighting over some ego/ professional competitiveness with each other, many a times the older siblings have to distance them selves from their loving and caring siblings so as to maintain peace n harmony within their immediate family.

I remember a time when I was a kid of 8/9/ 10 years of age, we used to go to Meerut and I was always impressed with my Taiji and her joint family system:  She  used to sit next to a open charcoal fire place boiling milk in a huge kadahi.  One by one all of us cousins would go to her with an empty glass and she would pour hot  sweetend milk , which we would take many a times to the roof top and all of us cousins would enjoy our milk sessions with so much banter and fun.

Then there came a time when we went again after a few years. There was no sitting together, The cousin were all living in separate well partitioned sections of the same building, and there was no centralized kitchen.

No gup shup like old times, no boisterous banter.

Even tho’ I was a teenager , I felt the palpable tension that prevailed in the huge and once such a  well knit  family. I’m telling of an incident that has left an undeniable dent in my mind. And it was all about Property I guess!!!

I see now , so many decades later that the children and their siblings there after took great strides to bring back the old magic within the family. Today , more than 60 years later , I do see a nice mix and match of all Siblings / Niblings / and Piblings with each other. But hasn’t it taken years n years to revive it ?

Will it ever be the same again?

What I’m trying to bring  to the forefront is that, families are meant for union , alliance between each other, kinship, caring and sharing.

Every one wants that, yet things do out of hand:

Sibling  Rivalry:

When things go wrong between Piblings,

they can be Minor or Major.

Minor squabbles to serious issues like bullying or estrangement. EGO starts to play havoc, comparison of your kids performance in school/ college/ career can also be a major issue.

 Parental  priotisation  towards one child over his/ her sibling can be one of the most important issue  that  researchers  have found to be  a very major issue that can break this pleasant camaraderie n love between members of the family.

Major issues may be:

Urge to fight for equal/ more share of property can be a major issue; This is a common and emotionally charged issue  frequently stemming from an inner urge of revenge/ greed/ hunger for more, particularly during inheritance or division of family assets.

Feeling of unfairness, unequal distribution or lack of clarity reg property , anger and ego playing a supreme role.

Factors like unresolved conflicts, personality differences and parental influence all can play a role.

So how and what to do to try and resolve the issues?

The Rivalry between Niblings and Piblings may most of the time be minor. Careful understanding of the  nature of the problem,

Many a time not knowing how to de-escalate the issue can be another reason for the long drawn separation.

Seeking appropriate solutions– proper mediation by elders / peers/ and mentors is important for maintaining healthy family dynamics.

Proper parental involvement, can be sought for,  and many a time it is the parents itself who can and will bring about a reversal of situation, by giving cognizance to the aggrieved party .

Most of the times when mediation/ intervention  happens, the NIBLINGS and the PIBLINGS who have long since been estranged from each other, suddenly find the guilt, the hatred , the animosity, all vanish. The relationship soon is overtaken by renewed josh and enthusiasm , renewed fervor and excitement. The bonhomie’ness returns and so also the expression and rejuvenation of joyous  restart with a bang!!

 Celebrations  times>>>>

So

So its all about u

It’s all about US

It’s all within us and ourselves

We have the power to dissolve all the barricades, and we should at the earliest

GOD BLESS US ALL!!!

Dear all friends, we have been writing/ reading, trying to understand the complexities of life that we see, we face, we go through.

Most of us are a worried lot today,

Most of us are a confused lot today,

We all want to live happy an healthy,

Wealthy and wise.

But we are frought with strife torn emotions. We do not know how to de-escalate. We run helter skelter, pillar to post. We think we know it all. Actually this Gen Zee actually is the BESTESt of them all. They think – what they are doing is the best. They do not seek advise. They either know it all/ or they have Google baba to wade them through. These days they have META/ and  of course ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

So we ,who are a redundant elderly age group of so called old generation ageing parents … our advise is not sought. We are not heeded,

Its only when they are in a total fix, they some times turn to you, more to hear their own thoughts aloud, more to  tell us their woes, not necessarily that your advise will be really sought , This is however another topic for yet another day/ date.

I’m writing here to apprise you that so far I’ve been delving into some complexities of mind and psyche, of the but parantu- lekin –kintu of my family, our family

All within our parental structure of OUR FAMILY. Things may have been grossly wrong

There may be feudal fights ;

Gross injustice may have been meted out by one sibling over the other. The Niblings / Piblings may have had to bear the brunt of it all, but once they decide, they decide to bury the hatchet, —–

A mere shake of the hand, a big hug and reconciliatory mood n morale , —- every thing just turns a new leaf.

All happiness

All happiness and humour

All fun and laughter is back

Is it so in all relations?

NO, not really…lets look out for more…do wait for the next one.

Its going to be a eye opener

You are well aware of it all, yet I will now write about the most heart rending relationships::::

Look out for another one ….coming week