Complexity No   12

Few more pointers towards Enhancing your personality

So far I have been labelling my talks harbouring on Complexities in LIFE as I perceive them. While I broached this important topic of Behaviour, I came across a no of sub titles that I feel are important – that needed my writing—what all causes us to behave unreasonably. Why we do what we do that causes a change in how we behave and thus MARS our personality. But this episode today I will now talk upon what all are the other important areas that can collectively improve our personality, make us more likeable,  and people would want to associate with us…..

So here goes::::::

Few more pointers towards Enhancing your personality

PERSONAL GROWTH

 What is personal growth?

Growth in the literal sense means.. …To increase in size. It may also mean—To evolve, to develop, to enhance, to reach out to newer levels of the Mind/ Body/ Position and Station.—with the ulterior   aim   of achieving Bigger and better accolades in life.

When we add the prefix-Personal to Growth…… It becomes   PERSONAL GROWTH!!!

In this context, it is now an   overall   improvement of either a single person/a family/ a group/ or an organisation.

This can also be a professional or a   Financial  growth.

You may wonder- why this topic here? What do we need to learn from here?

I once gave this lecture to my office colleagues.  Would like to briefly talk to you about these, insignificant but important pointers that generally people are either callous about, or choose to ignore:

Most of us are  professionals.

We are  also  very     buzeeeeeeeee  people.

But—are also not Engineers/ Scientists/ or Personnel from the Army/ CRPF/ BSF/ Police also very professional?

Why not look at the Corporate/ or IAS cadre

What makes them stand apart?

What makes them    so  different?

Why do people stop to look at them?

Why is it that they stand out in a crowd?

What keeps them going?

Do they not look differently? Do they also not behave differently?

What keeps them going?

Are not the medical men of the Armed forces also distinct in their turnout, their level of smartness, their personality and demeanour?

Do they not speak with more confidence, more authority, more gusto and more wisdom?

They are not only professional—They    stand apart-They are smart, they are distinct, They stand out in a crowd.

So- Do u think they were born like this? Do u think it is magic????

Friends, this is no magic–

They are very ordinary people who emerge from very ordinary families, –only they made a decision- a resolution-   that  they want to behave differently!!  They decided to ACT differently.

So- having made that decision, they started to take the right steps, with a positive frame of mind, they started picking up nuances that were/ are the pre requisites of a  good ,  smart disciplined man and slowly and steadily started to cultivate certain good habits!!

    BODY POSTURE

To become more confident I wish to enunciate a few  points,     that will help you to face this world more boldly / more smartly/ more confidently

Just to name a few:

1. Improve your body language.
2. Correct your body posture.
3. Take control of your facial expression.
4. Know how to conduct yourself in the face of difficult situations.
5. Be approachable.
6. Be a patient listener.
7. Have a welcoming attitude.
8. Make a patient/ your client who so ever comfortable first.
9. Greet the person with a smile

10.Accord  priority to Elders/ Children and Pregnant females.

DRESS CODE

Maintain a Dress code.

Keep a formal set of clothes exclusively for work.

Take a look at the IAS  officials / or people  from  the Forces. Their always wear full sleeves shirts for Formal functions. They always wear socks and shoes to work

What if , we in the civil -also made a concerted decision to do the same things..

Would this not make us look more and more professional?

Would it   not  make  a difference to the psyche of the /or to the psyche of the patient? Im sure , the patients also would come willingly to a smartly turned out DOCTOR.

( Sadly, speaking, I need to admit, the doctors and the other fraternity members of the Govt. Health machinery  do not take interest in their external appearance)

Would it all not look more and more professional?

So , I guess we should start to   inculcate this practice and start to wear decent,   well   ironed clothes  and see that we are all well groomed from top to toe on a daily basis.

Now that we are talking about the external personality don’t you think that if we are smartly turned out, we will start to feel more confident internally, thus will feel more at ease with oneself as also with the people around us.

Once   you ,  yourself are more confident, and more at ease within  yourself, then you will find that you are comfortable in relating with other people as well. And your positivity will make you approach other people/ or   face other day to day events / happenings easily.

Yet, there is a section of people who just do not want to change ( be  it internally / externally).They do not want to come out of their cocoon. They have been used to a particular life style/ a particular set of habits/ a particular momentum that they have grilled themselves into.

What then?

It is this section of society that we need to garner all our   thoughts onto.  It is this section who may need   to change.

 Change is always better for one self/ the family/ the group/   the organisation.

Do you think that if we too decide to imbibe such simple steps and make a habit of practicing   them  daily. Very   soon then there will be no difference between them and us.

.

ATTITUDE & PERCEPTION:

Time now to talk about

Attitude

So– what is Attitude?

Attitude is HOW YOU THINK?

How you relate to things and subjects/objects/ or persons?

What is our take on the person/ object/ subject?

Another topic I would like to discuss here is- Perception.

So–

How you perceive a person/ place / thing/ subjects/ objects?

A very common quote/ grudgingly is: there is a glass of water – filled with 50% of water,

Some say it is half empty,– Negative people

While some will say is half full!!-Positive people

Those who say nothing—have a   Indifferent attitude.

The basic intrinsic characters that emerge from such situations and incidents of the past, make a person think/ act / behave how he does in the present. This coupled with lack of knowledge/ information/ compounded at times by low esteem may lead / make a person develop a negative attitude.

You may pick up a mind set, You may perceive things the way you  want  to  see things happen.

You ( man) is selfish by nature,  So  his mind only sees what he wants to see, He also wants only what you desire/or has set his mind on to!!.

He / she is not open to newer ideas.

He may be very FIXATED in his mind!!! More often than not he is not manoeuvrable to newer things.

He    is   used   to living in his comfort zone; and does not want to explore out of his comfort zone.  He    finds  it  difficult  of venturing onto newer paths. He also just does not   want  to  accept  change. In the bargain, he becomes stubborn and difficult.  Since he is uncomfortable-He keeps putting up oppositions and becomes agitated and difficult.

Therefore then he   starts to REACT!!

He starts to express anger/ frustration/ and annoyance. This can happen with any person.

I’m a retired doctor from the CGHS, Let me quote an example:

 A patient: who has a negative attitude, – one who does not want to change at all—He is used to a particular medicine, he is mentally at comfort with that brand name, when we suggest a change—He may accept it willingly/ grudgingly/ or he may ask a lot of questions. He may not accept what we are giving. And when he does not want to accept he may set himself into a reactionary mode  ( I mentioned a little while ago)

A  Sdoctor ,  on the other hand , may also be negative , he too may not want to change.

 Remember…You are today- what you are, you behave the way you are   doing  because of what  the  circumstances  of the past have made   out of you.

A Role to PLAY:

But, we as Doctors/ Poviders have a role to play. Therefore -we should be open to Hearing/Listening.

Accept newer ideas/ information’s that are thrust upon you / or   by the   experiences that you get along in life.

Be open to Change. Change is always   Good.  Have a Positive   attitude.  You have to use your mind, and exercise your brain. You have to weigh the pros and cons/ the merits and the demerits.

You have to use your knowledge/ your experience/ the information that you have and also need to apply your mind judiciously.

HABITS AND DISCIPLINE:

What is a habit?

A thing/act done repeatedly over and over again, till it becomes second nature is the simplest of all definitions for HABIT.

Some say Habits have their genesis in the genes. ! !

Is it really so?

Genes..  looks / characteristics/ profile, some habits ( like father  n son)

Discipline also, they say -comes in the genes. Like a fauji—the fauji’s son will definitely have some traits that are ingrained from his father.

Again . .is it really so??

Is it not because,  he/ she has seen his father/ mother do a particular   thing, the same way, everyday repeatedly for years altogether.

What really happens is   that  it gets  embedded in his / her psyche…gradually subconsciously  he/ she starts doing the same thing, their way.

So it may appear that it comes from the  fauji   genes!!!

Actually it is not so!!!

Habits may also be acquired. They may have to be cultivated; they may have to be imbibed into the mind, the psyche, with regular and repeated practice – till it becomes second nature.

SELF DISCIPLINE/ HABIT FORMING:

You   do a thing again n again n again till it becomes second nature.

Eg:

Brushing your teeth first thing in the morning, before you eat anything.

Washing your hands before eating and washing your hands thoroughly after ablution.

 Most Indians have a habit of doing  Pooja after bath.

Likewise you too may add up a no.  of examples here.

These above mentioned are Good habits. But some may be Bad habits.

Bad habits may give you momentary pleasure—a momentary getaway from reality but may speed on  to  far reaching repercussions if continued and become a second nature.   In plain words the individual may get addicted to a particular habit/ item/ drug   abuse – examples   are plenty.

In other words   some  habits ,on the other hand can be picked up under the influence of others. At times the mind says…No but the heart may say– YES  . 

Slowly and steadily a bad habit may become a compulsive nature.

Eg:

Making an extra buck  ( procuring medicines  /groceries at a lower value but charging a higher rate..  Examples are many and rampant..  and  we know it all).

So please use your mind judiciously.

Exercise Self Constraint. Else you may have to face far reaching deleterious consequences.

MORAL VALUES:

The fabric of the MORAL  of the individual is very low. Not only amongst   us ,  so also in most people of today.  Examples are rampant:

The country is passing through a crusade. The less said the better.

A peep into the newspapers.. any   paper/ pictorial/ magazine/ or net  / TV channel/digital media/any entertainment channel today      .. they   are all over loaded with such information .

It is depressing to   even think of the deep disgusting dilemma we are all living through day in and day out.

Here I will quote a very commonly seen – corrupt practice- a day to day   occurrence.

You cross a RED LIGHT, you get flagged and get  Challaned!

You coax and cajole the traffic police, some times they are very strict and u have to pay the challan, but many a time we find offenders trying to placate the officials, they grime the hands of the officials with cash. And the constable   at times –lets them go.

We at times feel- Why does the constable take the bribe? Friends , he is a poorly paid guy, who may be distressed and succumbs to monetary bribe. He may use this money to help him run his home or drink it away down his throat at the end of the day!

 But then why does the offender give? Why does he want to show his money power and get away . If the offender does not give, the traffic  inspector cannot take.

It’s a two way reciprocal  yet vicious circle.

All this is because the MORAL FIBRE of the people is very loose.

This is but one simple and commonly occurring malady. Such incidents with increasing levels of corruption can be seen just about every way. You name a fiels, a sector, a system…all are just brimming with such malafide activities.

I can finally just implore:

GOD has given us enough!!

Keep yourself safe – away from such distractions. Be alert, be cautious,  be firm. Do not let anyone persuade you.

Do not succumb, do not give in,is all I can say- At the enmd of the day , before you sleep, as you thank your benefactor , Run through all activities of your day—–See where u succumbed to your greed/  where you did an unlawful act. REsove to not do that ever again

              EMPATHY        

                                       

Empathy for self/ Empathy for others.

If you empathise with yourself-

If you empathise with each other-

If you hold yourself in high esteem-

—you will automatically also   empathise   with your staff and your patients.

For the Staff/ Patients—- be a good listener,

Be patient to their woes.

Develop a lending / helping hand/ attitude.

Be cooperative and try to help, but within the frame work of rules and regulations. Be firm / not strict.

Be polite/ not submissive,

Honour and respect them-Give n get respect

Demand work but command respect.

Set by examples:

Equip yourself with the necessary where with all,

The list is endless.. We have to press on regardless. It is a continuous process- You can never say—bahut  ho gaya!!

You have to always be conscious that your personality is of paramount importance, that you can never say- Let it Go…

That it has to be inbuilt, ingrained and it has to become your second nature. Even if you have to practice again n again n again.

If u try hard enough from within- you will definitely succeed!!!

I HAVE SHARED EXCERPTS FROM THE LECTURE I ONCE GAVE YEARS AGO AT MY ORGANISATION. BUT DOESN’T IT HOLD GOOD EVEN TODAY, EVEN FOR PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE.

Please relate this with your place of work, your organisation your set up!!!

————————————————————————-

There is so much that we can add up for the personality of an individual. There is so much that we can do to ourselves to improve ourselves. If we have time and space. If we have patience and perseverance, If we have an open mind, if we can see through ourselves with clarity, without too much of  self    gloating, we can see our own negatives, see segments of our personality that can be troublesome for others,

We are all social animals. We all interact with others. We should remain open to conversations, open to listening, open to others advice. We may not follow them all, we may not believe in them all. But we should use the formula of SWOT

We should work on ourselves.

If we do that, if we work on ourselves then do you not think that all that I wrote in my last three episodes on COMPLEXITY OF LIFE

On Mother and child

On Father and child

On Siblings/ Niblings/ & Piblings

All the negativism, all the pessimism can be reduced to a large extent.

After all they are our relatives. We have been born to the same family. We are related.  We have -kind of grown up together. So what , if one is trying to boss over the other, so what if one is trying to exert more weightage out of a relationship….out of a few people, a few members, even just two/ three try to make a change.

A   change from within, a  will to change  your inner self ,  for the betterment  of your own  family

; will it not change so many things socially, psychologically?

Will there not be more bon hominess and more happiness within the larger pattern of things.

YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!

We know you can do it!!

We know you will

Thank you

Let me leave you all with this thought——————

Au Revoir ‘ for now……

Till we meet again…may be with some startling SWOT examples of me…my…myself…itself!!!