FEAR OF MARRIAGE vS MARITAL DISCORD
Having talked about marital discord in my last two talks, having tried to analyse why so much of tension, I guess all of us , including you and me, can collectively say that this term “ Marriage” , by many, esp the educated lot, the professionals, the careerists , all , has become a term to shrug off, not to be discussed at all. It causes more tension than excitement, more fear that pleasure.
Friends,
This has created so much of disbalance in the minds of man. A fear , A fear psychosis has set in, some where deep in the minds .
While excitement, happiness, success & POWER is what every one eventually yearns for, and some where there is a definite desire to belong and be belonged, to have some one entirely his/ or her own… yet- yet so much of adverse happenings in and around the word “MARRIAGE”, that the mind is grossly agitated , and this has instilled a FEAR.
A FEAR OF MARRIAGE;
Be it a mother, a father, the grand parents, or even the young boys and girls
All ARE A TROUBLED LOT!
Every one fears a lot!!
The young men and woman have their own reasons not to get married.
The parents on their part – Are An ANGUISHED lot.
The grand parents ALARMED!!!—
Why/ What is the psychosis against Marriage.
Lets reason out:
Start asking Questions—–
‘A battery of replies will come.
Lets take the case of a young man first:
He says :
- I’m not settled as yet.
- I’m not financially stable.
- I’m not ready to take on the responsibility of a family.
- I’m a kid my self, I need to feel responsible to look after the new comer.
- What if she stifles my personality?
- What if I get sandwiched between mother and the wife?
- What if she is so demanding _ be it on my time/ money/ space?
- I’m sacred of losing my independence.
- I do not want added burden.
- What is it that I can get only via marriage that I cannot get without getting married.
- I’m too self centred, too egoistical a person, I will have to adjust with her, I will have to make peace with her. I will have to tag her along where ever I go.
- I will have to adjust to her timings and situations.
- I’m NOT READY FOR ALL THIS!!!
Lets take a female and her queries now:
- I’m educated, I’m financially independent, I like to party all night—PERIOD
- All this will have to change.. I’m not ready for that!
- I have responsibility of my family, I need to support them. No one will allow me to do all this after marriage. So I will not marry.
- I do not want to let go of my profession.
- Sky is the limit. I want to be the most sought after CEO in my industry in my country.
- I do not like to do house hold chores. I will have to do them all.
- I do not like kids, I do not want to have them. I’m tipped to be the top most model. l Cannot risk my career.
- What if he refuses to understand my desires n aspirations?
- Men do not like wives earning more than them. What if he wants me to quit my job?
- I find marriage too much a nuisance.
- I want to travel the world.
The list can be end less
Lets take the parents into consideration now:
What if the bahu does not adjust?
What if she wants to break the family?
What if she does not take part in shouldering the responsibilities of running and managing the house?
What if she ignores us?
What if she keeps having parties n does far too much expenditure than what our son/ we can afford?
Will she keep our son / family happy?
A Woman’s parents perspective can be some thing like this::
What if he doesn’t care/ love her?
What if the parents shout at her?
What if they do un necessary demands for dowry even after marriage?
What if he physically abuses / mentally tortures her?
If we look at the scenario today: the situation is real worrying. Every one is worried.
If kids not ready, parents are worried. They feel, kids should marry on time. Time is running out. They want to finish their main responsibility which is finding a suitable partner for their child.
The children feel , parents are unduly worried, trying to get me married, and get me cornered with a barrage of responsibilities!!!!
There are many who still cherish marriage.
Want to go through the entire range of celebrations. Those who do destination weddings are well above the maximum population—( infact they are still a minorit.,
While Most still take loans to do their best to fulfil desires of every one desires and keep up with their social status. Many cannot afford all functions and sensible ones do weddings balanced with income , curbing many a desires.
Yet, there is no guarantee, no litmus test that will say all will be well!!!!!
But /parantu/ Lekin / kintu
Once the newness of the marriage dies down, once the routine activities move into place, once the office , the careers , the profession comes a knocking, the thrill, the hustle bustle, the dancing / prancing among trees, the frequent short sojourns, the next level partying, the late night binges, slowly come to a reduced pace, the life then rumbles back to daily chores, daily work to rule schedule, the morning – noon – & night routine.
Some times, it is a slow but steady realisation, some times the sudden reduction in the incidence of post marriage dancing n partying going down , the life may stifle some.
There are (ironically..its true), some girls (who were used to a hectic, action packed life before marriage) cannot now adjust to this mundane , staid, day to day routine. Some feel stifled, and that’s when rumblings and fights begin.
In my previous chapter, I spoke about major/ Minor reasons of MD, Now im giving it a psychological turn .
If the mind is not settled, if the body , mind are used/abused,
How can any one remain normal. A lot can be said on this
MD Is On the rise.
We all need to sit and come down to the basics. Some one needs to settle the minds.
My main Point is
EGO
If this is corrected. If this gets into balance
If this can be controlled, every thing will fall into place
Next topic of mine is old topic with a new casket//// old wine in new casket
EMANCIPATION OF WOMAN
WHY WOMEN OF TODAY NOW STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES. Why do they not accept anything lying down???
JUST WAIT N WATCH…………………………….
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